Poppelganger 2: A bit of a dick move.

Spraying bleach on your ex’s clothes before giving them back, telling everyone about her weird sexual habits, and posting blogs about her N*Sync action figure collection are all what most of us would call “dick moves” in a breakup. However, pop stars have access to a level of “dick move” that most of us don’t:

Jacking the sound of her song…in a song about leaving someone. I think if you Google “really, really not subtle,” this shows up.

Chris Brown: Deuces

Rihanna: Te Amo

If I Were a Boy

It’s a Beyonce song, you know. Ciara also did a song of the same title, but Ciara didn’t deliver the admittedly identical sentiment in the same way. Ciara got the snark right, but Beyonce’s snarky attitude is wrapped around a core of deep, dark pain. You know how I love when singers do that. She’s not just pitch-perfect; she’s really delivering a multi-layered feeling to you and smacking you between the eyes with it. She’s singing as someone recently done wrong. She’s telling some guy exactly how he screwed it up, how he’s never going to get her back, and how he’s really going to regret it one day, even if he doesn’t right now.

I semi-recently found myself in the car with this song on repeat. I couldn’t put my finger on why, but I just kept starting the song over and over. Good ol’ Beyonce was cutting me down to my bone and I didn’t know why. I mean, “Single Ladies” is just so much simpler. Since then, every time I heard the song, I tried to explain the “listen to it 10 times” car ride, and I think I finally have.

Her delivery was saying what I wanted to say, better than I could say it. Something in me knew this; it just took the conscious part and the typing fingers a second to catch up to what a dark recess of my right brain already knew.

We’ve all been there, female or not. Somebody does you wrong and you want to shake them, yell at them, do whatever you possibly can to make them realize that all they had to do was x, y and z and they’d have you, all of you, on their side forever. You want to yell “I was RIGHT HERE and you didn’t care!”

She starts off the song sort of metaphorically lying in bed eating ice cream, and works herself into a froth, throwing the ice cream across the room and putting on her revenge pants. Maybe also some serious high heels. When she gets those heels on, she’s feeling much calmer and ends the song with “…but you’re just a boy.” As in, “I am a woman, but I’m more of a man than you are.” It’s the most passive-aggressively bitchy thing ever, but in Beyonce’s case…probably true.

(click here if you can’t see the embed…Facebookers)

(e)tv: Summer Brings a Lack of Wookies

I’m a bad goth chick, as I have never had the time/money/will to commit to going down to Atlanta for 4 days for Dragon Con. I don’t travel well, and I work a lot. In truth, had the recession not hit me this year, I probably would have made it because my sis lives in Atlanta now, which would at least allow me to save on hotel money. Instead of actually going to Dragon Con, I went down to hang out, do whatever, and do a little people-watching.

Despite Atlanta being only 4 hours away, I hadn’t driven there in my 13 years of living in Nashville. I didn’t realize it was so close, and my fear of driving over Mont Eagle was based mainly on childhood memories. In reality, the drama and slope of Mont Eagle only lasts four miles and isn’t really that bad, unless it’s raining or snowing.

I got to Atlanta late Saturday afternoon, and my sister, her friend, Elizabeth, and I took a cab over to the Marriott Marquis (chosen for it’s easy lobby-viewing) to scope out the array of storm troopers, anime characters, and Princess Leias. There was a strong Wolverine representation, which is fine by me on account of the “sideburns” factor. While I stood around saying, “is that a guy? if that’s a guy, he’s hot….if not, never mind,” my sister developed a crush on a gaggle of dudes dressed as Halo characters. Maybe it was Gears of War. I suck at first-person shooters.

This would be a good time to mention that, in addition to Dragon Con, Atlanta was also hosting a Black Gay Pride gathering, an Alabama/Virginia Tech game, and a NASCAR function of some sort. Where else can you witness dudes in burgundy visors (backward, of course) posing for pictures with Predator or a four-foot-ten Gene Simmons?

After the Marriott, we went to a sushi/Thai place, hit a random book store, a bar called The Graveyard (hearse out front? check.), and my sister’s regular bar. I had a couple random blue drinks, which is my fallback whenever a bartender doesn’t know how to make a Blue Valium.

The next day, we had brunch and then went over to little five points. I know, I know. It’s touristy and cheesy, but I had never been and I needed to witness Junkman’s Daughter at least once. We also went to a couple of “thrift stores,” which were mere like vintage stores. For those of you saying, “what’s the difference?” I say, “about 40 bucks.”

After confirming that I was, in fact, mentally prepared to witness Ikea on a Sunday, we went over to witness the seething humanity at the local Ikea. It was fabulous, but in a sort of “I don’t need to do this for at least another year” sort of way, as Ikea is a lot like Disney world, but with crazy Swedish names instead of rides.

Everybody was pretty worn out at that point, so I headed on back to Nashville to put together some video:

Click here if you can’t see the embed.

Friday LOL: Kung-Fu Hillbilly, Joel Bauer

Holy hell, it’s a twofer! Little bit off frontbutt, little bit of douchenozzle. I does what I can.

Props for the first vid go to Jay. Props for the second vid go to DrawAndQuarter.

(Click here if you can’t see the first one.)

(Click here if you can’t see the second one.)