To mothers, iPods are not tiny hard drives. They are magical fairy lands where anything can happen and data doesn’t have mass. “I can’t get music off of it! All the music on it is gone!”
“Does the iPod still work? Like, will it play?”
I didn’t go into the speech about how, if a 20GB iPod is full, it’s got to be full of something. I didn’t go into detail about how music files on an iPod live in a hidden folder because Apple is trying to cockblock your file copying efforts. Instead, I just asked mom if I could borrow the iPod until Christmas.
My mission: copy the music off the iPod, label the songs and burn them to a couple data DVDs. The problem: any of you who have learned the “always backup your music” lesson the hard way know that iPods (old ones, anyway) scramble the file names. Thus, I had to open each file in iTunes and then label the file appropriately. I give you: Lessons Learned from Dad’s iPod.
1. Big & Rich have attempted to use rock music’s “wall of sound” principle in country music. As a result, I can say with some certainty that I will never own a Big & Rich album.
2. One’s age is directly proportional to the mass of one’s collection of Christmas music.
3. Elton John’s “I’m Still Standing” kicks ass, even if it will forever make me picture people wearing banana hammocks and body paint. That video was made back when people still thought Elton John was straight, which can only be explained by the fact that EVERYONE looked gay in the 80s.
4. Aaron Neville needs a lozenge.
5. Somebody somewhere is listening to an Elvis Christmas album for some reason other than kitsch. Strange but true.
6. When I go to Hell, the only music available will be Rockapella. If I go to the part of Hell where Hitler lives, it will be a Rockapella Christmas album.
7. When I type “Beethoven,” the voice in my head pronounces it like Bill & Ted. “BEETH-uhvin”
8. Norah Jones is boring.
9. Merle Haggard needs a good therapist.
10. If you didn’t live through the 70s and would like a musical picture of what the 70s where, listen to any song by the Gatlin Brothers. If you can get through “Sure Feels Like Love” without feeling like you need a really, really long shower, you are a better man than I.