Everyone on Earth is Bored

Everyone on Earth is Bored

There’s an app out there that is basically like Vine, but in real time. You can look at a map, pick random people to watch, chat with them, follow them, etc. It’s called Periscope, and I found out about it because some woman was live streaming video of herself drunk driving and fellow Periscope users called the cops on her.

I was intrigued.

I remember chatroulette. I never used it much because I didn’t have a good enough connection at the time, but from what I hear, it devolved pretty quickly into nothing but naked people or people who wanted to see naked people. The two demographics didn’t mesh as well as you’d think.

Here’s what I found on Periscope.

Video 1, Tennessee:
Two dudes in a truck asking people to talk about what types of trucks they like.

Video 2, Scotland:
Tween age boy hosting his own random talk show-type stream.

Video 3, England:
Tween age girl talking about her day at school and then going on to look around the bathroom to find things with which to draw pictures. She was delightful and I added her to my follow list after her brief question/answer period about whether or not she should get “a spot of tea.”

Video 4, Germany
Guy who appears to be drunk, stoned, tired, or all three mumbling some stuff in German.

Video 5, Switzerland
Two teenage girls who clearly usually speak French take a moment to figure out how to answer when someone messages “wie gehts?” (how’s it going”) in German. They then answer him…in German.

Video 6, Boston
Guy who appears to be drunk, stoned, tired, or all three listening to the radio. Some guy keeps making comments about the broadcaster being gay and the guy just ignores him. The comment-maker eventually leaves.

Video 7, England
Two girls eating the British version of Funyuns ask where we’re from. When I answer that I’m from Nashville, one says “oooh, Nashville! Have you ever been to a rodeo?” She’s wearing a Friends shirt and asks us all who our favorite character is. I answer with Smelly Cat, which prompts one of the two girls to sing the Smelly Cat song. These girls were delightful. (At one point during this, some guy keeps messaging things like “vagina” and “seks.” The two girls just ignore him. I respond with “Emir’s keeping it classy.” The girls laugh. Emir sends me some message that I can’t figure out how to read before it fades off-screen and he leaves the room. I’m guessing his message was some sort of middle finger emoji. Also, when did adults start using emojis? Is this a thing now?)

Video 8, Scotland
Some guy playing questionable electronic music in his living room.

Video 9, England
Two girls lying in bed, at least one appears to be nursing a head cold. She blows her nose on camera and they flip the phone around to show us all that they’re watching The Big Bang Theory.

But what about Iran? Egypt? I tried, but with the exception of Turkey and some parts of Bahrain and Dubai, everything was blank. Zero videos. Same thing for China, Japan, and all of southeast Asia. (Maybe they’re all just asleep right now?) So, what’s going on in Dubai? The same thing going on everywhere else: people watching tv, people sitting around, and dudes with guitars. Dhaka, Bangladesh? Some guy singing “Love Me Like You Do.” To summarize, there’s a guy in BANGLADESH singing the love theme from 50 Shades of Grey.

Maybe this IS just another opportunity for people to attention whore themselves online, but I can’t help but thinking what a big deal it would be for any actor trying to learn a dialect or any foreign language student. Also, let’s give some applause for the lack of nudity and creepiness; people are just there being THERE. Blowing noses. Singing Smelly Cat. It’s not all PhotoShop, humblebrags, and marketing ploys. At least not yet.

Dudes with guitars.

Mother Father and Entertainment Rock My Lame Ass

I am of the belief that flyers Louisville Goth functions should include the following disclaimer:

“We have many hot deathrock boys, but they’re all gay. Don’t bother coming, unless you find yourself inexplicably drawn to the fat guy who dresses like a pirate.”

You see, there are several very scrany, very hot, and (naturally) very well-coiffed deathrock boys from Louisville. However, if you go to one of their functions with some weird intent to meet and take home one of the aforementioned hot deathrock boys, you should save yourself the gas money. The straight dudes of Louisville Goth are, sadly, much like the straight goth dudes everywhere else: dressed like pirates, wearing kilts, or under the impression that it’s OK to wear a poet shirt in public. They all need stylists. That said, let’s talk about music.

Mother Father’s opener, Entertainment, was OK. It must be very hard to bring something new to a goth genre that’s about 30 years old, and Entertainment are only halfway there. To keep my attention as a deathrock band, it’s not good enough to be OK. You have to do something to make yourself special, and Entertainment didn’t quite reach the (admittedly high) standards. Were they a decent way to spend 45 minutes? Yes. Do I feel the need to buy the CD? Not so much.

Mother Father, however, make an impression. They start that first song and, if it were a handshake, you’d say that your hand stayed shook (if I may reference Hank Hill). The drummer who seemed to be a tad random (“who let Zack Morris in the band?”) makes the reason for his presence clear. It’s hard to find a drummer, harder to hold ONTO a drummer, and triple hard to find a GOOD drummer. Thus, we can overlook a little thing like resembling Zack Morris. True, after 6 or 7 seven songs, my mind started to wander, but the fact that I stayed in a hot bar, sweating balls, to listen to the whole set when I was tired should say something. It was totally worth the five bucks.

And did I mention the deathrock eye candy?
I’m a pig.