My relationship with cable television is a strained one. Most channels are frequently “temporarily unavailable” due to massive amounts of digital noise. I have accepted this situation as a way of life and usually just watch Netflix through my computer. If I were paying for all this, I supposed I’d be outraged, but I’m not. Outraged, that is. Or, frankly, paying.
I pay for 10 channels. “Ghetto cable” for which you have to specifically ask if you wish to receive. However, I now have full basic cable, thanks to corporate laziness and underpayment of Comcast’s tech staff. When the “ghetto cable” filter/blocker breaks, techs usually just remove it rather than go to the trouble and expense of replacing it.
So, I have full basic cable, but my box is a piece of crap that I dare not attempt to replace. Besides, I don’t have time for much TV, so I don’t care. Until 11pm, when I need something to fall asleep to.
It was a dark and stormy night. I couldn’t even get USA or E!. Times were hard, people. I got desperate. I went…over 100. The channels over 100. The wasteland of sports, Jesus and telenovella.
A choir of angels. A ray of moonlight. Perfect reception on the Hallmark channel, and…a Golden Girls marathon.
I have spent the last week reliving my days in the Belmont dorm, when Lifetime had Golden Girls and Designing Women on an endless loop. Reliving such stories as “Rose thinks she kills men because they keep having heart attacks during sex,” “Blanche hits menopause,” and “Sophia becomes a nun.”
The scary part now is that these women who seemed so old when I was a kid are now younger than my mom. I can’t stop wondering if Dorothy’s clothes were all from the same store, or if some misguided costumer MADE all of them. I mean, we’re talking about huge quantities of cowl necks and drapey shirts. The sheer volume of the stuff suggests that it had to have been handmade, possibly by one clothing label, possibly one named House of Zbornak. (Frankly, I’m surprised that no one has written a blog solely on this topic, replete with screen shots. I looked.)
And the shoulder pads! And who actually uses the word “lanai”? And why was there never a “very special” Golden Girls where one of the characters gets diabetes from too many 3am cheesecake eating sessions? Dorothy could have a massive coronary and keel over into a pot of Sophia’s 14-hour sauce.
And the wicker furniture.
I leave you with some choice images and a couple of links.