In Which We Keep It Classy. Again.

I’ve given this some thought and, while I do realize that strangers may see this, I’m willing to take one for the team and talk about this anyway. Part of my job here is to bring up things that make us squirmy. Besides, refusal to talk about this would only contradict my point. We’re all adults here, and it’s time we addressed this.

I’m offended my the expression “suck my dick.” I’ll admit that I’ve used this expression because I think it’s funny when a female says it, but that doesn’t make it OK. You see, telling someone to suck your dick implies that fellatio (is this blog more ladylike if I call it fellatio?) is some horrible, degrading thing that one should only do when one has accepted one’s inferiority to someone else. As in, “I think so little of you that you can suck my dick.”

Fellas, I would encourage you to stop using this expression. Why? Because I would assume that you would want your sexual partners to do this for you. Thus, it would be wise to not run around implying that fellatio is only for people with little other redeeming value. You want more women to go down on you? Stop implying that it’s horrible and degrading. Start implying that it’s a huge favor that you really appreciate and enjoy. Like, use “suck my dick” in the place of “rocks my world.”

“OMG, those buffalo wings TOTALLY sucked my dick.”

OK, maybe not, but you see what I mean. (But if you DO incorporate that phrase into your vocabulary, please get video of people’s faces when you say it.)

GUYS:
A good number of you will say things like, “oh, you don’t have to do that” or “really? because you don’t have to if you don’t want to…” and that implies that you still think that fellatio is something “nice girls” don’t do. I’ll let you in on a little secret. There ARE no nice girls. There are only girls who have hang-ups because of what parents, past guys and friends have taught them. They’re also afraid that you’re going to tell your friends everything they do. Remove these fears and hang-ups. Have a much better time.

A woman who gets your respect when her clothes are on is more willing to do whatever when her clothes are off. Tattoo that on your body as a reminder. Open the doors, pay for dinner and call when you say you will, and you’re well on your way to having the keys to the kingdom.

LADIES:
You know damn well that this is part of your job and should be part of your repertoire. If the thought of doing this grosses you out, maybe you should take another look at WHY you’re getting naked with that person in first place. If you’re naked for the right reasons, you’re down for whatever body parts are available. Besides, it’s so easy and makes them so happy. Get over yourselves.

What you do, what you allow to get ON you, is not degrading unless you make it degrading. Letting a man disrespect you is degrading, and that can happen with all of your clothes ON.

Everybody, I’m glad we had this little chat. I feel cleansed.

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4 thoughts on “In Which We Keep It Classy. Again.

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