So, Your Girlfriend Loves Bill Compton (part one)

The more I read books from the Sookie Stackhouse series, the more I wonder why guys generally don’t read these books. The books have a female narrator and are largely considered “silly chick books” only one tier above Danielle Steele. If I may, I’d like to tell all you guys why you should be reading these, highlighting, and making notes in the margins.

Modern vampire lit is mainly written by women, for women.

Who cares if the guy at Borders thinks you might secretly be gay? If you’re good at reading between lines, you’re going to learn a lot about the female psyche if you read these things. You want to know what we’re thinking? What we talk about with our girlfriends, but not you? Read the books we’re reading and start asking questions. Odds are, you’re going to gain knowledge much more valuable than the 7 bucks you spent on the book.

(Sidebar: This comes from a chick who had a subscription to Maxim for 5 years. Don’t get me wrong, there was a huge grain of salt taken with Maxim, as it’s no more an accurate depiction of the male mind than Cosmo is an accurate depiction of the female mind…and Cosmo is some stupid, fascist bullshit. Never trust a magazine that runs a cover bearing the grabber “How to touch a naked man” unless the article is 6 words long and just says “ask him what he likes, dumbass.”)

If your girlfriend has read the Sookie Stackhouse books, and she’s probably read at least one if she reads, I’ll provide you with some conversation starters. In most cases, all you’ll have to do is ask the question and your girl will spew valuable intel at you for 5 minutes. I’ll point out that these questions pretty much only pertain to the first book. If you know where this plot is going, for the love of God, don’t tell me.

1. “Bill or Eric, and why?”

2. “Bill’s Victorian sense of chivalry: a wonderful expression of long-forgotten manners, or an outdated waste of time? And tell the truth.”

If pressed, even a militant feminist will admit that she’s got nothing against the occasional flower. Lots of guys think chivalry is pointless and outdated, because lots of guys (God love ya) are pragmatic. Sometimes the fun of romance is doing something that seems stupid (spending money on flowers, or opening a door for a woman with two perfectly-functioning arms) just because you want to and not because it makes any practical sense.

3. “What’s with all the talk of Bill braiding Sookie’s hair? Are you all into that?”

It’s not about the braiding. It’s about the idea of your guy doing something for you that is just about doing something for you and not about a ploy to get you naked or con you into going to his family reunion.

4. “This starts to get sort of porny, but then the chapter ends. What the hell?”

You know how horror movies are always much scarier when you don’t get a good look at the monster? Same concept. For women, the fun is in Bill growling things into Sookie’s ear, not graphic depictions of what happens after. This is why a lot of us eventually get bored with Laurell K. Hamilton’s books. They become nothing but graphic, monotonous depictions of sex lacking in sensuality, and that gets boring.

This is the part where I break in an effort to yield to the short attention spen of the internet. Tune in tomorrow for part 2!

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One thought on “So, Your Girlfriend Loves Bill Compton (part one)

  1. Pingback: What to do if your girlfriend loves @VampireBill « Billsbelles's Blog

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